Quarantine Counselors in Residence

Pretty much everyone could use a personal therapist right about now.  The news is unsettling, quarantine is stressful, and people are anxious.  Read on to see what our Quarantine Counselors in Residence are able to provide.  Contact your closest Humane Society if you believe having a counselor in residence might be a good choice for you.

Meet Our Team

sophieSophie practices the feline method of therapy, specializing in early morning meditation with purring and gentle movement.  She also has an interest in lucid dreaming and hypnosis. She is a somatic practitioner, using a steady bilateral form of massage that often results in a trance-like state enabling the client to access the sub-conscious. Her area of research is how to achieve flow in everyday life, and she especially enjoys working with moms and helping them juggle various responsibilities in a healthy way.sophie fence

In the past year or so, Sophie has taken on the role of mentor to the youngest counselor in the group, teaching the feline approach to life in everything she does, which she views as carrying on the work of her own mentor, the famous Zen master known as Topaz. In her work as well as her personal life, she encourages people to look for and appreciate beauty and she has participated in the exploration of the emerging field of neuro-aesthetics.  Her quote to live by is from Harvard professor Dr. Nancy L Etcoff: “We are elevated and enriched by what is beautiful.”     

tuxTux also uses the feline method, but with a significantly different focus.  His specialty is evening relaxation purring, and the depth and quality of his sound therapy is well known in the field of brainwave entrainment.  He uses his signature purr to encourage release of tension and worry and bring about feelings of well-being.  This is especially important for dads who may struggle with work-life balance. Tux believes in fully savoring moments of relaxation.  He encourages his clients to enjoy small physical pleasures such as a fire and soft blanket on a chilly night or the exquisite sensation of sipping fine bourbon (within healthy limits!).  He advocates for expressing wants and needs without holding back.

Another passion for Tux is body positivity, which he promotes as a personal interest.  He strongly maintains that an active lifestyle is more important than a number on a scale and he encourages his clients to embrace their body type and celebrate their style, no matter how fancy or flamboyant.  His quote to live by, commonly attributed to Oscar Wilde, is: “Looking good isn’t self-importance; it’s self-respect.”20190428_110933

Oliver is the newest member of the group and brings a fresh perspective to the practice as he enjoys exploring a cross-disciplinary approach.  20191210_172508While he is originally trained in the canine method, he has recently begun incorporating aspects of feline therapy in several ways.  In his personal practice, he is especially interested in achieving the well known feline ease in overcoming shame and mastering self-compassion, although he considers himself a novice.

Oliver enjoys working with teenagers and making sure they receive the affirmation they need to develop a healthy self-concept.  20190216_134932As one of his teenage clients remarked, he makes people feel safe, as if they are in the presence of a very wise person. A strong proponent of the positive psychology movement, Oliver is in high demand because of his natural ability to express and convey joy to those around him. His primary philosophy, which is firmly grounded in his core canine training, is that human connections form the basis for a fulfilling life. He also believes in acknowledging and listening to instinct while also pursuing self-restraint. His quote to live by is very simple: “All you need is love.”

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Last Chapter for The Button Collector

My book is five years old now—a literary kindergartner!–but I still remember the day I got the news that a small press in Ohio wanted to publish it. Even though I’ve been a writer most of my life, publishing a novel was different.  The whole process was fresh and new.

button_final_1Fast forward to today: PageSpring Publishing—the small press that served as such an awesome midwife for The Button Collector–is following the path of many small presses and closing up shop.  It’s not exactly a surprise considering how giant publishing houses are merging to become mega-giant publishing houses, squeezing out small, creative presses in the process.

It’s not a surprise, but it is a disappointment.

I feel very fortunate that my book was in the right place at the right time to find a home with PageSpring instead of one of the other houses I had close-but-no-cigar moments with.  Few publishers would have commissioned 21 sketches of buttons so that the visual element of my book could become reality. Few publishers would have gone to such effort to commission amazing cover art by an amazing artist.  Few would have been so insightful in their advice about the structure and the title.  Few would have believed in me the way they did.  I’ll always be grateful to them for that.  sketch2sketch1

What all this means is that The Button Collector is going out of print.  If you would like a copy, it is available via Amazon through the end of the year.  If you want a signed copy, please send me an email or contact me via The Button Collector Facebook page and I’ll send you one of my stash.  They make great Christmas gifts!

Meanwhile, here are some random nuggets of wisdom from my adventures in publishing:

  • I’ve found that online data is addicting. Did you know that on Amazon, The Button Collector has 77 reviews, with an average of 4.1 stars?
  • On Goodreads, The Button Collector has 224 ratings with an average of 3.94 out of 5 and 48 text reviews and is on the to-read shelf of 1258 people! That’s pretty cool.
  • I’ve also found that some people are remarkably qualm-free about sharing their negative opinions online!! There was one review that called my pretty normal book “just weird.” They seem to have taken it down, but you can still read these choice nuggets!!!!  “This is easily one of the most boring books I have ever read.” “I haven’t finished the last chapters as it became tedious.” “My book club chose this book. … Written in too many voices and written by someone I am guessing is quite religious. Disappointing.”  (NB—I’m not that religious.)
  • On the other hand, the good reviews are the best ego boosts ever!!! I love their beautiful phrases: “…the overarching metaphor of the button jar is deftly used to illuminate the relationships between the women.” “My mom has been gone almost twenty-nine years and my wolves are not calm.” “I download dozens of books each week, skim the first pages, and set aside most of the books until I get to one that I can’t put down. The Button Collector is one of those that hooked me and kept me.”
  • In person feedback? Words can’t describe it. I feel so fortunate to have had the chance to connect with all these people who’ve read my book!
  • Because of my book, I’ve come to know other writers  and vicariously share their success. Amy Willoughby-Burle, who wrote a blurb for my book, has now been to New York and all sorts of big city places with her new novel The Lemonade Year. Brenda Sutton Rose—for whom I wrote a blurb—was just nominated for a Pushcart Prize.  Ann Ross, my amazing in-town mentor, keeps adding to the canon of Miss Julia books.  And Katie Winkler—my comrade in arms since forever—keeps having her work published and performed all over the place and has launched a literary journal.
  • I realize that I’m not sad my book is going out of print. It makes it more distinct, like a limited edition.  I like to think it’s in the company of early Hogarth Press editions, in a modern, techie kind of way. I could use the e-files to self-publish, but I won’t. Maybe The Button Collector will itself become a collector’s item one day… that would be amazing.blurbs

So thanks for reading, thanks for the encouragement, thanks for going on this journey with me!  I am very superstitious and don’t talk about work in progress, but I am always writing in some way, even if it’s just corporate newsletters and blogs.  This space will evolve, but I’ll still be here with my random thoughts, so pop by once in a while.

Until then, support your local authors.  Keep reading.

(And in case you missed it, here is the link to Amazon again. Remember: Mom’s Christmas present….)

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Travel by Book (and Film!) 2018

Summer is here and once again my daughter and husband are on a big travel adventure.  And once again, I’m traveling too – by book. 

Last summer I visited Nigeria, England and Australia as I read books by Chimanmanda Ngozi Adichie, Rachel Kadish and Liane Moriarty. 

This summer I went to Hawaii for my book vacation. I learned about all sorts of foods and history and how the locals view the tourists, thanks to Kaui Hart Hemmings’ richly crafted novel, The Descendants,. 



The Book



The Movie









But before I read the book, I watched the 2011 movie. I’m always intrigued to compare a book to its film version.  I’m not one of those people who simply say, “The book is better.” Often this is true, but I appreciate both written and filmed stories.  There are generally nuances and explorations and possibilities unique to each form. Last year, for example, I was fascinated to compare Moriarty’s Big Little Lies to the HBO version, which I had recently watched.  The contrast became a nice device to compare the way two cultures treat the same story–in this case Australian culture vs. US culture. 

The Descendants was different.  Several people had highly recommended the movie, which featured George Clooney and Shailene Woodley and which had won an Academy Award as well as two Golden Globes. It had been on my watchlist for years.  It is the story of Matt King, a Honolulu attorney who faces two pivotal and ultimately connected events in his life: a boating accident that has left his wife comatose and a legal decision about how to handle his extended family’s vast land legacy. 


My personal short take:  The movie was good but not quite great.  Its glimpses of what it is like to live in Hawaii were worth the viewing time on their own. The basic plot was intriguing.  It also captured that universal experience of family-ness–the familiarity, tenderness, irritation, comfort, etc, that is both unique to a particular family and completely common to all families.  There were moments of pure humor, sadness, and insight that I carried with me after it was over. 

On the flip side, there were a few moments where the acting of secondary characters was remarkably bad.  It also felt a little TOO true to life at times as everything was played completely straight and hands off. 

Most significantly, as with Big Little Lies, the film made me crave more of the story. When this happens, it’s such a happy feeling to be able to dive right into the book. And when I did, I had an interesting experience.  

“When you get right down to it, what fun is it to have a narrator if that narrator is completely reliable?”

On the surface, the movie and book version of The Descendants are quite similar.  There are no huge plot deviations.  Most of the characters are essentially the same. 

The surprise was that as the book progressed, I found the voice of Matt—the narrator–to be fundamentally and radically different from the movie’s narrator.  In both versions, Matt starts out rather complacent and unaware.  He then goes through a painful process of realizing the true nature of his wife and their family.  The difference is that the movie’s Matt is a steadfastly reliable narrator throughout.  The book’s narrator is not.  

I now believe that this is the reason the movie feels a little lackluster at times.  Because when you get right down to it, what fun is it to have a narrator if that narrator is completely reliable?   

SPOILER ALERT!!!!   The book version of Matt was especially intriguing to me because an unreliable narrator usually tells the story so that he or she appears better somehow—more courageous, more talented, more intelligent, less to blame.  The book version of Matt does the opposite.  He starts out desperately trying to take more responsibility than he should.  He spins the memories of his wife to her advantage: She wasn’t narcissistic; she was magnetic. She loved him even though she betrayed him cruelly.  She was a good mom.  Gradually, however, it becomes clear that Matt knows none of this is true. He is living a lie, but it happens in such a beautifully crafted way that the reader forgives him. Some of his realizations–such as the impact his wife has had on his daughters–is almost too much for the reader to bear, let alone Matt.     

The Matt of the movie makes peace with his wife’s death by realizing that he and his children will be okay despite everything that has happened.  The Matt of the book has a more difficult task.  It’s hard to admit that someone you love has used you and probably never valued you as a person at all.  It’s hard to admit that someone your children adore didn’t value them either.  It’s even harder when that person is injured and vulnerable when you realize the whole truth…and when despite it all, you still love him or her. 

It takes a book’s worth of sorting out, but in the end Matt recognizes that not only will his family be okay, they will be much better–much healthier and grounded and connected–because of everything that has happened.


With Big Little Lies, the differences between book and film were many and easy to spot.  With The Descendants, the differences were more subtle, but in some ways I found them more significant.  It made me wonder about the reason the film chose a different path. Was it too difficult to create the nuances of the book? Would there have been less commercial appeal?  Was the director’s personal interpretation of the story entirely different from mine?  

Questions such as these are why I love to compare books and movies.  I believe they enhance the story by offering two different lenses to look at the same thing.  This is why I am always looking for a good comparison.  If you have a favorite, please share!


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First Edition of Teach. Write. Receives Notice

Awesome news! I have three items in this great journal!

Hey, Mrs. Winkler!


The first edition of Teach. Write. is being featured on the North Carolina Writers’ Network’s Hat’s Off page. The North Carolina Writers’ Network is a wonderful support organization for North Carolina writers. If you live and write in North Carolina, please consider joining and supporting this fine organization. There are even some writers from other states who are members of NCWN. The conferences, residencies, workshops, communications and other services are invaluable ways for writers to meet and support one another.

If you would like to purchase a print copy of Teach. Write., then visit the journal’s page on Lulu.com. 

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“She’s the one that has told me NO!”

WARNING: I consider this a philosophical post, but many may view it as political.



I wonder how much crap Florence had to put up with …

I don’t know why, but the recent video of a Utah nurse being roughed up for not allowing a police officer to draw blood on an unconscious patient really captured my attention. I felt compelled to look at it in more depth and watched several long versions of the video as well as versions with closed captioning. As I did, I realized there is more going on here than a quick viewing can reveal.

A whole lot more.

Here’s a rundown of 7 things that I didn’t notice at first:

1. The police officer involved—Jeff Payne–is remarkably honest.

Right before he physically grabs the head nurse of the burn unit, he is asked:

“Why are you blaming the messenger, Sir?”

Payne replies without hesitation: “She’s the one that has told me NO.”

If it weren’t for the closed captioning, the importance of those words might have slipped by me.  It was seeing them spelled out that gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. Everything that happened on this video came down to one thing:  a woman telling a man NO.  A woman was telling Payne he couldn’t “do anything” he wanted.  He had to follow the rules.

2. Being told NO makes power-addicted people angry.

In the video, the nurse, Alex Wubbels repeatedly asks, “Why is he so angry?”  It’s kind of heart-breaking to hear her say this because it’s so obvious that she is sincere.  She cannot understand why a person would be angry with her for following the law.

The answer is easy, however.  Just SEE ABOVE: “She’s the one that has told me NO.”

How many women have sparked some primal anger because they told a powerful man NO?  How many minorities have risked abuse for the same?

3. There’s a fine line between Mansplaining and Gaslighting

It was bad enough watching Payne manhandle and handcuff Wubbels, but in a way it was even more disturbing to listen as another police officer performed a textbook demonstration of mansplaining that morphed into pure gaslighting.  I don’t know the name of this guy, but I sincerely hope he is the other officer in trouble.  He makes Kaa in the Jungle Book look like a straight shooter. gaslight_1944_trailer28429

He kneels down beside Wubbels as she sits handcuffed in a police car and uses an obnoxiously oily calm and measured voice to say that while he understands what she thinks she’s doing, in actuality she is obstructing “the law.” When that doesn’t work, he says that if what the police are requesting doesn’t turn out to be legal, it will still be okie dokie so she doesn’t need to worry her pretty little head.  (paraphrasing here)

Riiiggghhhtttt.  I’m guessing this guy didn’t know about the recording in progress.

Meanwhile, I am so impressed that Wubbels never wavered.

(Question:  Will someone please give me brownie points for not using the phrase Good Cop, Bad Cop?)

4. Body cams have their place.

Wubbels is a former Olympic athlete and she is T.O.U.G.H.  I never thought for one second that she would give in, but I suspect that if there were no witnesses or camera in the room, she might think about it.

For her own safety, I hope she would.

The scariest thing about the video is imagining what would have happened if there weren’t a recording or people to witness?

This blatant abuse happened in an open area with lots of people watching and a camera rolling.  Payne knew the camera was on because the officer wearing it oh-so-helpfully told him so early on: “Just so you know, I’m recording.”

If someone feels empowered to act this horrifically in those circumstances, what are they capable of in a dark alley with nobody around?

5. The good ole boy network is alive and well.

The short video barely touches on the reaction of the other security officers and police in the room.  The longer version tells a more complete story.  While a few of them have the decency to at least distance themselves, there are also conspiratorial whispers, smiles, knowing glances and other signals of a good ole boy network in action.  A few of the men make weak attempts to stop Payne, but none come close to stepping up to the plate.  It would seem that it’s easier to watch the head nurse of the burn unit at a major hospital get roughed up than it is to speak out with a strong voice.  I mean, God forbid that one of them got put in handcuffs or shoved in a police car like a nurse. Sure, that might make a statement, but how embarrassing!  

I keep wondering what would have to happen before these people finally worked up enough courage to step in?

6. Somebody needs to invent a training course on how NOT to say the words, “Calm Down.”

Maybe it’s just me, but it could be a good thing Wubbels had on hand cuffs when the man from hospital administration said, “Calm down, Alex.”

His advice itself was probably good since people have been shot dead for less, but he didn’t seem to grasp the unfairness of advising restraint. He seemed more irritated with her, in fact, than Payne. In my opinion, he was really quite TOO CALM (Yes, that’s a thing.  The British were wrong.).

I’d like to ask him what he would have done if he had been the person who had to hold the line.

7. There’s a big picture here.

Remember Wubbels’ bewildered question?

Why is he so angry?

I understand how she felt.  The past few months, I – along with most of the people I consider my peers –have felt equally stunned and perplexed. Watching the freaking KKK and neo-nazis climb out of the woodwork in an eruption of fury has been baffling.  We are saying some of the same things I heard Wubbels say:




Here’s my best guess:

For most of our recent history, overt bigots have been told NO when they tried to use privilege and power as a permission slip to trample the rights of others. That made them angry, but they had to hide the feeling. Now, they believe they have permission to revert to a past when they could “do anything.”  This is temporary and deep down they know it.  When someone pulls the curtain away to show the truth, they get really, really mad.

But no matter how angry they get, the world IS changing.  The arc of history will indeed bend toward justice.  It will require continued turmoil and diligence, but if we can physically survive, equality and inclusiveness will prevail.  The Klan rallies and violent misogyny we’re seeing now are the last gasp of a pathetic, fatally wounded behemoth lashing out at everything around it rather than accept that the old days when they had a monopoly on power are gone.

What happened in that hospital unit is not a Utah issue.  It’s not a hospital issue either.  It’s not even a police issue.

It’s a power issue.

As common sense dictates and multiple academic studies have shown, too much power degrades people’s behavior.  This is human nature.

Power is much like sun exposure.  Everyone needs enough.  Too much is harmful.  And some people are more susceptible than others to its bad effects.

Guidelines, rules and laws – these things are sunscreen.

Good leaders don’t hesitate to use them to protect others and themselves.

The ones who don’t will eventually get burned.

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A first for me–Poetry!

Here’s a run-down of my publishing creds:

  • Non-fiction: 99 percent
  • Fiction: 1 percent
  • Poetry: 0 percent

Until yesterday, that is.

Teach. Write. Fall 2017

Yesterday, I had my first poem published in the inaugural issue of Teach. Write.  This is a literary journal for teachers of writing, and, as you’ve probably already surmised since I am included, it is amazing.

It gets even better because I actually had two poems published.  The first is The Rule of Apostrophes, which resulted from my rather awkward attempts to explain what I thought was an easy grammar rule.  Somehow I was struck by the two contrasting functions of the Apostrophe and I wondered what this might mean in the cosmic scheme of things.  It’s an exploration!

My other poem is part of the journal’s ongoing Write Your Own series in which teachers write a piece based on a writing prompt they use with their students.  I wrote Sensing Blue, a poem cycle based on the prompt:

Describe a color without using the sense of sight.

I love that prompt, but I can’t claim it as my own.  I completely stole it from my writing friend, Melody Lindsey, who died unexpectedly a few years ago.

I have to say that as special as it is to have my first poetry published in the journal, it is even more special to have the privilege of writing a tribute to Melody as an introduction to the poem.

Teach. Write. is worth your time, especially if you are a teacher of writing.  You can read it online for free or buy your own print copy.



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Summer Reading

This summer, my husband took our daughter on a three-week adventure to Europe.  Before they left, I gave my daughter a bon voyage card that said:

Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer. 

Okay.  I didn’t come up with that, but I did add my own line:

Well, that and books. 

I believe this is true.  Travel allows a person to experience another culture up close and personal, but a book allows a person to experience another culture from the intimate perspective of the author. Both enable people to gain a fresh take on their own culture and their own life.


I read four books while my family was gone.  In a row.  Without taking a break between them. While my peeps were trying new cuisines, I was eating supper and reading at the same time.  If you’re a bookworm, you know this is Michelin Star territory.

And so, not to keep the joy to myself, I thought I would share my reviews while the books are fresh in my mind.

First up:  Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:  4 out of 5 stars

I had seen a clip of Adichie speaking and moved her straight to the top of the list of authors I want to read.  (Check out her TED talk!) She is from Nigeria, so part of the attraction could be her amazing accent, but I also liked her nuanced description of her childhood and I wanted to get her perspective on the journey from Nigeria to the West and back again.



It was a good choice. I was spell bound by the characters most of the time and I felt they were sitting right beside me talking as I read. I was transported to their experiences in that magical way a good book can do. I identified with many of their experiences and felt what they were feeling acutely. I didn’t want the book to end. All these things are marks of a great book, a keeper if I’d bought it in paper form . … or maybe even a book that would make me go out and buy my own hard copy.

Still …. there were things that kept the book from quite reaching that level for me personally. Continue reading

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